From a Spectrum Sibling’s Standpoint
Janet Sanchez Enriquez, PhD, BCBA-D, LBA
By the time I was seventeen, I thought I had a pretty solid understanding of the world. I was preparing for college, considering law school, and surrounded by the comforts of a relatively typical adolescence. Then Fitz was born—three and a half years later, he was diagnosed with autism.
I still remember the day we got the diagnosis. It felt like someone had rearranged the stars in my sky. Suddenly, life wasn’t about my classes or my social circle—it was about speech therapy, IEPs, and learning what echolalia meant. My parents dove headfirst into the world of early intervention, and I tried to make sense of this new sphere that we were learning to orbit. It was at that moment—like the Copernican epiphany: the Sun doesn’t revolve around Earth—I realized I wasn’t the center of the universe.
Fitz was.
Not in a self-centered way. But in the way that everything we did, everything we planned, and everything we hoped for, suddenly had to be reimagined with his needs in mind. At times, I felt proud of the role I was beginning to play in his life. At other times, I felt invisible.
There’s something profoundly shaping about growing up with a sibling who has a disability. The research confirms it: our experiences are unique, complex, and layered. We often develop empathy, maturity, and resilience far beyond our years. But we also wrestle with guilt, worry, and questions that can’t be easily answered. What will happen to my sibling when my parents are gone? Will I become their caregiver? Am I allowed to pursue a life different or away from his?
These questions stayed with me into adulthood. They followed me as I worked for child protective services, encountering some of the most heartbreaking stories imaginable. I thought I had seen hardship. But nothing prepared me for the fear of not knowing what my brother’s future would hold—or the helplessness of watching my parents, exhausted and unsure, try to plan for it.
I left CPS work, drawn to the field of special education. And in many ways, it felt like coming home. I realized that Fitz hadn’t just changed the trajectory of my family—he had quietly, powerfully, redirected the course of my own life. The decision to become a teacher, then an autism specialist, and now a voice in advocacy and service, was never random. It was Fitz.
Being a sibling to someone with autism isn’t one emotion. It’s all of them. It’s laughing uncontrollably at inside jokes no one else understands. It’s shielding your brother from stares in public places. It’s crying on the floor because you just don’t know how to help. It’s birthdays and meltdowns and milestones that feel like miracles. It’s learning to live with contradiction: joy and grief, pride and fear, hope and uncertainty—all present side by side.
The image is an AI-generated recreation based on a personal photo.
Generated using [ChatGPT4o], AI-assisted illustration.
The research shows that siblings of individuals with disabilities often take on more responsibilities, sometimes before we’re ready. We translate for doctors, comfort our parents, plan for futures we didn’t choose. In many cultures, these roles are amplified, wrapped in expectations of loyalty and sacrifice. As a Mexican-American woman, the unspoken sense of duty was woven into everything. Family isn’t just important, it’s everything. And Fitz? He’s at the center of it all.
But here’s what I’ve learned: it’s okay to honor your sibling while still creating space for yourself. It’s okay to advocate fiercely for their increased opportunities and dignity, while also tending to your own emotional well-being. It’s okay to both love your sibling and grieve the life you imagined before the diagnosis. These aren’t contradictions—they’re the full, complicated, beautiful truth of what it means to be a sibling.
Fitz made me who I am. He is the reason I do the work I do. He is the reason I understand what compassion really means. He’s the reason I believe in evidence-based programming, family-centered supports, and linguistically responsive practices. He’s the reason I get up every day with a heart full of purpose. I used to think I had to be everything for him. Now I know better. I don’t need to be the center of his universe. I just need to keep showing up—for Fitz, for our family, and for the countless siblings out there navigating their own paths.
Because sometimes, being a satellite—steadfast, staunch, sustaining—is more than suffice.
The image is an AI-generated recreation based on a personal photo.
Generated using [ChatGPT4o], AI-assisted illustration.
Strategies in Action
Supporting siblings of children with autism involves recognizing their important role in the family and school community. These evidence-informed strategies offer educators, practitioners, and caregivers practical ways to engage, empower, and support siblings in meaningful and developmentally appropriate ways:
✅ Include a “Sibling Check-In” During Family Conversations or School Meetings
During parent-teacher conferences or IEP meetings, take a moment to ask caregivers how siblings are doing—academically, emotionally, and socially. Siblings often have questions or insights about their brother or sister’s experience. Acknowledging their perspective can strengthen family communication and ensure all children in the household are supported.
✅ Use Shared Visual Supports at Home
Visual schedules, routine charts, and calendars can help all children—not just the one receiving services. Siblings, especially younger ones, benefit from knowing what to expect. Using the same supports consistently across the household creates predictability, promotes understanding, and can reduce stress for everyone.
✅ Create Opportunities for Peer Connection
When possible, work with school counselors or trusted community groups to offer peer support groups for siblings. These spaces—modeled after formats like Sibshops—allow siblings to connect, share experiences, and build friendships with others who may face similar dynamics at home.
✅ Use Social Narratives and Role-Playing to Build Understanding
Age-appropriate social narratives or brief role-play activities can help siblings learn about autism-related behaviors such as repetitive actions, sensory needs, or emotional regulation challenges. These tools can foster patience, reduce confusion, and promote supportive responses in real-life situations.
✅ Encourage Balanced Responsibilities and Boundaries
Sometimes siblings feel pressure to act as helpers, translators, or peacekeepers. Help families create healthy boundaries by encouraging age-appropriate roles and ensuring siblings have time for their own interests, friendships, and emotional needs.
✅ Celebrate Strengths and Individual Achievements
Recognize the accomplishments of all children in the family—not just milestones related to therapy or services. Consider classroom shout-outs, art displays, or “sibling of the week” moments to affirm each child’s strengths and contributions.
Dr. Sánchez Enriquez is a behavior analyst and educator dedicated to supporting effective, evidence-based autism services. She serves Region 20 with a focus on advancing accessible, family-centered practices that promote positive outcomes for all learners and their support networks.
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